Obsessive Escapism

Have you ever just completely lost yourself in something? A good book, a movie, a relationship maybe?

When I get into something, I can lose myself very easily. I can easily become obsessed when my emotions are really invested in something. Escapism is a coping mechanism for me with anxiety and depression, and while in some cases it can also become a crutch, it's definitely my go-to when life is handing me stressor after stressor.

Over the past month I've played through the entire Mass Effect trilogy. It seemed like the right thing to do because life was just kind of becoming overwhelming with all the what-ifs and unanswerable questions. I've played the first game before with mild enjoyment, and had played part of the second too with greater enjoyment. However, my memory being what it is, I couldn't really remember the details of the main plot and decided to replay the series from the start. And I guess my sense of escapism kicked in because I got 100% emotionally invested in the games this time around. I gave more meat to my Shepard (which is who you see in that drawing, my Aram Shepard) and obsessively read about the Mass Effect universe in down time, and I drew fanart.

If you're into games, RPGs, or shooters (ME is third-person) but also enjoy being part of a story, I'd definitely recommend these games, though I would say to give yourself time in between. These games are actually very emotionally intense and playing them back to back really affected my emotional health. The writing can lull at times but for the most part it is very on point.

My reason for enjoying games so much is to be actively involved in a story where your choices affect the outcomes. For me, it's kind of like being an actor in a movie, except you're choosing the script and the direction that movie takes. Plus you get to meet some great characters along the way and make a few fictional friends. I'm not sure if that's something to promote. But as an introvert who has commitment issues, and relationship issues, finding comfort in fictional characters is something I've been doing for a large part of my life. I'm not sure it's something that will ever change either. But that's a story for another day.

I'm not saying what I've been doing over the past month is very healthy. I haven't gone out much (I'm trying to save money anyway, but I'm reaching near hermit levels of reclusion) and have avoided spending time with people because I wanted to play the games. I've obviously ignored this blog. Not to mention I've been neglecting my health. My eating is erratic at best and my sleep is even more so. This level of obsession and escapism isn't something I do often though, and I usually recover pretty quickly (i.e. after the game is completed, which it was as of last night).

But on the plus side of things, it's gotten me drawing again. And painting digitally again, which I really missed. I already have tons of ideas written down for paintings and comics. Having the urge to WANT to draw and paint is amazing. I hope I can hold on to it and just enjoy making things, even if not everyone cares about them. Just making things I like would be great.

Do you guys have similar coping mechanisms or inclinations toward escapism? What are your favorite ways to escape once in a while?

Because the music for the Mass Effect series is also wonderful, I'll leave you with this:
Such wonderful soundtracks with amazing scores. Clint Mansell of "Requiem for a Dream" fame actually pitched in and composed the tracks in this video.

Until next time!

Jessie xxoo